So yesterday DW gets an E-mail from Progeny's 1st grade teacher asking for a conference. This morning, said conference was held. There is a child, who happens to be my Boss's Boss's Kid (BBK for short) who has been bullying Progeny since pre-school. She has tried the usual appeals to authorities(myself and school) to no avail.
She apparently had enough.
She told BBK that, "If you don't stop I'm gonna get my Daddy to come and shoot you." In school. Not long after Sandy Hook. {SIGH}
Kudos to her teacher, who did not panic and send her to the Principal or try and get her expelled. DW explained the history of these 2 children, and gave a stern lecture to BBK. The Teacher is going to talk about guns in class today. I have decided to find out what the gist of this talk will be (Guns are eeeeeeeviiiiiiiil, kids!).
I have to decide an appropriate punishment for Progeny, for threatening(she gets her temper honestly, unfortunately, I had hoped DW's better nature would be passed on). OTOH, I am extremely proud of Progeny for standing up to her bully. My 6 year old daughter has bigger balls than our current President. And they show the qualities of being made of brass.
I am not going to spank her, although the punishment is going to be strong. I somehow have to send the message that You Just Dont Do That. Ideas anyone? We are going to homeschool. We were planning on letting her finish out the year, but we're trying to decide whether to yank her early or not.
And I'm really going to have to work on controlling my temper.
My son had a similar experience when he was in third grade. Despite numerous trys by teachers/principals/superintendent - the bully just wouldn't back off and no amount of suspensions/timeouts cured the problem. I finally told the staff my son had permission to beat the crap out of the kid. He really didn't choose that route - he informed me that scouts just didn't do that type of thing. I said I understood, but that sometime you had to stand against a bully when the adults couldn't. Weeks after this discussion I received a call saying he'd pounded the kid into the ground on the playground and that he would be suspended for 3 days. I asked if he had started things but, as I knew, he had not. Result - that was the last of the bullying from anyone - ever.
ReplyDeleteMy 2 cents. Kids today are not allowed to resolve these power issues. Sadly, it is the bully that come away empowered. I am not opposed to violence for defensive purposes, not in the least. However, a measured response is always best. Perhaps a walk down that path - have her consider what the shooting of her classmate would actually mean. Then an outline of less drastic steps.
Tough to explain to a 6 year old, I know. She looks to you for defense as she should. I would focus on other alternatives up and including pounding the kid into the dirt. :)
The questions don't get easier - my son's experience happened 17 years ago. :) And he will still find a way to stump me once-in-a-while. Hang in there!
Bill
I pulled my firstborn out of public school after one semester, due to an incident (two 2nd graders pretending to rape a 1st grader in the restroom) & homeschooled both daughters. They're grown & working fulltime now, and we've never regretted it.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids, so let me say that up front, but from all the news I hear and my own experience with bullies growing up, if you can make the home schooling work, then go for it. The schools are crazy any more and the kids in them are growing up to be communists and spoiled.
ReplyDeleteMy son was bullied during 2nd grade. He was small for his age and 2 boys harassed him continually, on the bus, during class, recess, lunch, etc. I spent time in his classroom and the boys just watched me. His teacher was an older (he retired the next year)man who reminded me a lot of Mr Rogers. After being physically assaulted (pantsed, shirt pulled over his head, and shoved into bathroom wall) I talked to the principal. "We will work on this". A few days later, he was pulled off the monkey bars by these 2, then kicked in the head and chest while laying on the ground trying to catch his breath. More principal visits. After about 6 of these type of incidents, the principal told me that she couldn't guarantee the safety of my son at school. At this time I could not homeschool due to a family situation. I told my son, and the principal wrote it down in her file on my son and the events that had been happening, that he had the right to retaliate with no consequences. I had the principal and school resource officer sign it. The following week, the 2 boys were heard discussing sexual things they wanted to do to a little girl in the class. At recess, they dragged her away from the playground and tried to remove her dress and panties. These were 2nd graders. My son intervened and I got another phone call. After our conference, the other boys were moved to a different school, but bullying continued by one more boy that wasn't involved in that incident. The last day of school, 2 hours before school ended, I got a phone call that my son had been kicked out of school. I arrived at the school office to find a new principal. I asked him what happened. The boy that was bullying my son had hit him, and my son remembered what we had told him, "don't start it, but certainly finish it!" and he punched him as hard as he could. I told the principal to look up my son's file. After reading the many pages detailing the year-long bullying, the principal agreed with me that my son could go back to class. I am against bullying in any form and I truly believe girls are the worst. Tell your baby girl that you appreciate her faith that Dad will always take care of her, but sometimes it is up to her. Reassure her that you will never let authority (school) punish her for it. But rather you will side with her. Raise her so that her morals will make that easy. You always side with what is morally and ethically correct, use the Bible as your guide. I don't think she needs to be punished this time, you have taught her to use adults as the final authority. She did. Maybe take her out for ice cream while you have this little talk with her. I think we are raising a generation that needs to be stood up to when it comes to bullying. You mention this has been happening to her for years. Let her end it. Anyways, I am proud of your little girl for standing up, no matter the cost.
ReplyDeleteI plan on teaching both of my kids to finish whatever a bully starts...off school grounds, and off school time, where the brainless twats in charge of the system can't apply a zero tolerance policy that punishes the victim rather than the bully. And only if it turns out that homeschooling doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about the punishment issue, though. Last night the imp told me "You can't spank me!"
Guess what? He was wrong.
You handled it well, and you know that kids pick up more of our behaviors than you think. Things even said in jest, or in anger can be taken out of the home and relayed to others.
ReplyDeleteIf I was a parent now, I know I would home school for it's the good kids that are punished while the tyrants simply smirk.