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Apr 15, 2014

Dear Customer

So you want to buy smokes with that there Lottery Scratcher. OK. Got your license? No? Sorry, I can't sell them to you.

So you get your boyfriend to do it for you, he has his. Ok, I can work with that.

Oh, you know my boss? Congratulations.


Have a nice day.


Hey Bob(the other cashier, name changed for his protection), check it out! You know how she didn't have her ID? Isn't that her behind the wheel of her car? So she's driving without a license?

 [Unlicensed Driver comes back in store]

Yes, Ma'am? No ma'am, I was just talking to my co-worker. You're gonna call my boss? Ok, cool.

[Unlicensed driver leaves store again]

{I step out and memorize license plate and go back in}

Hey Bob, what's the non-emergency number to the County Seat Police Department?

Yes, officer? I'd like to report an unlicensed driver. She just tried to buy smokes and when I carded her she didn't have her license, and then I observed her get into the drivers seat of her vehicle and drive off. Her is a brief description of the vehicle and her license plate number. Yes, Sir. Thank you, have a good day.

Seriously, don't fuck with me. I have been "put in my place" for damn near 15 years. I even broke my own hand trying not to deck someone who desperately deserved it. I'm. Not. Taking. It. Any. More. And that was handed to me on a silver platter. You parked right in front of my position.

Age and treachery will win in the end, kid.

Apr 12, 2014

Apr 10, 2014

This is why I want to bitchslap the entire country.

The fact that this needs to be legislated is indicative of a complete lack of intelligence of a lot of people.

This needs a cluebat wielded by Thor. Applied repeatedly.

Things I can't say at work

Odysseus stole mine, so I'll steal his:

"The next time that inbred, self fellating, mother fucking bastard sends me on a run with out telling me such minor details as the town the address is located in, I'm going to impale him on red hot rebar, shoot him with low velocity barbed flechettes, and whip him with a Roman Flagellum, before taking his wallet and getting my gas money back."

I must have spent 30 minutes just looking for an address in the town I work in, when the address was on the outskirts of the town I live in, because he didn't write down the town. And he wrote the order badly too, so I shorted him a pizza, and had to go back and get it. I threw in some breadsticks for his inconvenience. And I didn't get a tip because it took me so long to get his whole order there.

And he actually said to me, "Well, he told me it was in [Major Town].
"Then why didn't you write that down?" says I.

He left after that. Good thing too. It would be a lot of blood to mop up with that many witnesses. For the sake of my blood pressure, I hope he has tomorrow off.

I don't like making plans for the day. Because then words like "premeditated" start getting thrown around the courtroom.

And Odysseus? It's not who you think.

Apr 8, 2014

Linux Forums Summarized

Your distro sucks and your GUI is wrong.


Well,  that I can understand. And they said Linux would be hard.


EDITED TO ADD THIS NUGGET:

Running a computer is just like running your air conditioner. Opening Windows makes it useless.

Printer bleg

So I have discovered that the printer I have been using for years is a paperweight in Ubuntu.

Good thing I have a dual boot system.

But, eventually I will nuke XP from orbit(it's the only way to be sure), and I will need a printer that actually, you know, prints. And scans, scanning is good, too.

So, any recommendations?