Rip it out a little slower, please, so it'll hurt more.

"Daddy, I wish we had one house, and we all lived together, and you and Mommy didn't fight all the time, and we had a pool inside that didn't freeze in the winter and we could go swimming all the time." -Progeny, today when I took her to Wendy's for lunch.


Please, just kill me now.

Today's Earworm

A co-worker of mine was humming this song at work today. And now it must be shared.

Please pray for a friend of mine

She had to make the most difficult decision any woman can. She recently found out she's pregnant, even though she had herself sterilized because of life threatening issues with her past pregnancies. She is the sole breadwinner in her home, her husband is disabled. She already has 2 little ones at home. She opted to have an abortion, otherwise her Doctor tells her she will die. She confided this to me today. She feels very ashamed.

I am Catholic. I have a moral objection to abortion. I can point to people like St. Gianna Molla, who heroically chose to die rather than abort her baby.

I did not do so. I did the only thing I knew to to do. I said, "I'll pray for you."

I could have chosen to take a hard moral stand, and did not. I hope I did the right thing in the eyes of my Lord. All I could think was "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." She chose to confide in me, seeking understanding, and I think, compassion. That had to be extremely difficult for her.

So please pray for my friend and for her unborn child.

Of course I'm incompetent...

I've only been working in the food, beverage and hospitality industries in one capacity or another since I was 12. Of course 2 Medium No Salt Fries would be too hard for me to figure out.

And of course the reason we opened late was all MY fault, even though you rode my ass like a rented mule because the inside of the fryer and a surface that doesn't even TOUCH food wasn't shiny enough.

I'm so very glad you've put in your 2 weeks notice. Otherwise, I would have.

Update

So Monday I went to court in Other State and my wife chose to drop the Restraining Order. We spent some time discussing our perspectives and airing our grievances, and getting caught up. I also got to hug Progeny for the first time in months, for which I am profoundly grateful.

I want to thank everyone who contributed to my legal fund, or who helped where they could, even with prayers, for their help. This has been a very long ordeal. My wife and I are at a place where we can get counselling, and hopefully heal our relationship. We are still physically separated, and are working on building a relationship based on freedom and mutual love and respect, with hopefully much less toxicity.

For the time being, I am going to be concentrating on my family and on healing myself and my relationship, and will be blogging less. I am NOT hanging it up, I just won't be here as much, but will blog when I can. You are my friends, and I hope to keep ya'll in my life as well. I will be stalking lurking hanging out at ya'll's blogs still, and hopefully commenting as well. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

I guess that's it for the time being. I'll be around. See you around the intarwebs.

I spoke with Progeny

Today, and last week, on the 21st.

And we're working on some practical stuff.

It's progress. And I'd rather we have slow progress that builds trust than a quick reunion that falls like a house of cards.

Note to self

Making financial decisions during reconciliation talks = bad idea.

I made the mistake of separating my bundled car insurance from hers today. And it did not go well with her afterward.

I freely and publicly admit that was a stupid decision, and handled badly.

Show of good faith

My wife felt that I had slammed her in one of my posts. As a show of good faith, that I mean her no harm, I took it down. No strings attached.

Also, I got to talk to Progeny today. She sounds very happy, and it was music to hear her voice. Things are progressing.

I have a view of matters, and my wife has a view of matters. Reconciling these disparate views is going to be part of what we have to work out.

Any Electronics Engineer positions open?

I have an old friend of mine who just shared with me the happy news that she's 5 months along. Unfortunately, the father of her child is currently unemployed. He has a degree in Electronics Engineering. He's studiously job hunting.

Anyone know of anything? If you do, drop me a line and I'll pass it along.

First letter.

I just sent my first letter to my wife, hopefully starting reconciliation. I didn't use any of my well thought out and planned beginnings.

I may or may not have made a hash of it.

Hopefully it's a good start.

If it's not a good start hopefully I can recover from it.

I want to reconcile and have a good relationship with my wife.

One that's filled with love and mutual respect.

And likely a lifetime of counseling on my part.

Drafting a letter

So I've drafted a letter to my wife, but haven't sent it yet. It spells out my boundaries, and my chosen course of action should my boundaries be violated. I have sent it to my lawyer(legal advice), a pastor friend of mine(is it too harsh?), and Heroditus Huxley, who is a Professor of English and Composition(spelling, grammar, tone)

I am getting loads of advice because this is a weighty issue.

I have an appointment with a counselor, via the VA. This is one of my shows of good faith.

Words will mean nothing. I am paying very, very close attention to actions.

Compromise

Progeny did not come home with me. We have a compromise TRO in which I can communicate with My wife to attempt to reconcile. She determines whether these conversations are healthy.I can also communicate with Progeny electronically and if Progeny calls me it does not violate the the Order.

42 days

Tomorrow, I see my wife in court. It will have been 42 days since I last saw her. I go to fight for my good name, and hopefully prove my innocence.  And ultimately, get my daughter back. 

I am not looking forward to this.

I am determined to see it through.

FML

Independence Day

I have plenty to say

Just have to get the gag out of my mouth.

Pray. Please. For the next week. The Hearing in Other State is Monday.


Besides, ya'll would think I had Tourettes...

Man, they have their fingers in everything!

So I'm walking into work today when there's this biker. In and of itself this is not unusual.

Then I looked on the back of of his cut.

And there was all sorts of Masonic emblems on it.

So yeah, shaved head biker Mason. Not a phrase I thought I'd ever utter.

It's been one month...

...since I have seen my family. She left on May 26, Memorial Day.

The argument keeps going on and on in my head.

It still hurts, constantly.

I'm sure everyone is as tired of my drama and whining as I am. I do breathe, I do distract but it still hurts.

Gonna go help a friend move some furniture. Maybe I won't think for a while.

I'm still taking donations, if you have anything to spare. I still need about $800 for the Missouri lawyer. Thank you for what you've given so far. And thanks for listening.

Bitter musings(be ye warned)

• Nothing ends an argument quite so well as being told to Shut Up Under Penalty of Law.
• In the same vein, it doesn't do much for a Marriage, which depends on trust and communication.
• If I were allowed to TALK, I might be able to solve this. 
• Because I am not allowed to talk, I am forced to conclude that this is not about solving the problem, but about punishing me. 
• Therefore, filing a Restraining Order on the other spouse is not a valid discussion/argument/problem solving technique, but a legal slap in the face and declaration of intent to divorce. QED
• Someone, please, prove me wrong. If there is a hole in my reasoning, show it to me. Anyone. Especially Christians who believe in the Sanctity of Marriage. I want to be wrong about this.

This needs to be a thing

There needs to be womens pants with "I support the Second Amendment" embroidered on the seat. That would be the perfect response to "I support the Second Amendment, but..."

Sorry for the lack of blogging

I got squat. Well squat that isn't a bunch of depressing angst and pointless unproductive musings on my marriage.

So here is a picture of a cat:

Crying in the Shower

I posted this on FB, back after she stopped talking to me and letting me talk to Progeny. I thought I'd share it with ya'll. I wrote it out in one sitting. So it's a bit rough.

Crying In The Shower

Suck it up, they say, and be a man
Don't let your feelings show
Don't show your weakness to the world
For all the world to know.
To cry and bawl are not for thee
'Tis unmanly so they say
So I do my crying in the shower each and every day
To be a stoic is the goal of most the men I see
To face your pain unflinchingly
To force your pain to flee
But in the shower no one's there to see the tears that fall
So they can see my brave face on when I am out my walls
It's getting harder though
to do this thing, to keep the stoic way
For I have taken showers at least fifteen times today.

For Father's Day, help me get back to my daughter

So after paying the lawyer in Other State, I have $269.02 in the paypal account, thanks to your continued donations. Which means that I need another $800 to pay the lawyer here, to fight for custody.

Please, if you have a little left over, please consider donating to my legal fund.

To all those who have donated, THANK YOU! Please spread the word. I need more, to get my daughter back.

Funding update

Right now I am at $558.07 in PayPal, THANK YOU!

With this, I'm going to go ahead and finish paying the retainer for the lawyer in Other State. That will allow me to work on stage one, which is clearing my name and getting the TRO removed so I can (legally at least) contact my daughter.

Please keep Progeny in your prayers, as she is the one being hurt the most by this.

Legal news

So my lawyer in Other State has informed me that the Court has granted me a continuance. I now have to appear for the hearing on July 7.

She is being represented by LegalAid.

The lawyer in Other State is costing me $1200; 600 of which I have already paid. The lawyer here in Missouri(for the divorce) is charging me $1700; $700 of which I have already paid.

Thanks to all of you, I have raised $512. I need more, please. I hate asking, but I need to fight this. In addition to those retainers, I also need "traveling money" to travel 3 states away(800 miles), and to get (cheap)motels while I'm traveling.

To all those who have donated, THANK YOU for all the help you've given me. Please, spread the word. Hopefully I'll be able to cover more of this.

I haven't started a GoFundMe page because, honestly, I don't want to shame my wife the way she's shamed me. I will keep everyone appraised of how much I've raised thus far. And let you know if I spend any of it and where.

I don't know what else to do. She took my daughter, I have to fight.

As long as you are in a donating mood, help Erik and Sabra, too. 

Lawyer Bleg

God I hate this...

My wife ran off with my daughter to another State. And she filed a restraining order against me. Making me a prohibited person. I did not abuse my wife. If you want to know the details before you donate, my e-mail is on the sidebar. I warn you, it's complicated, and not pretty.

I need money to pay the lawyer handling my case, in the State where my wife is, to remove the TRO, and fight for my good name. I will put it to you, if my wife is several states away, how am I a "clear and present danger" to her? She left me, and I stayed put, waiting for her to come back, hoping it was just a temper tantrum, hoping she was at a friend's house, worrying that my daughter was OK. For the first couple of days she would call, repeat her narrative, make her demands, and let me talk to Progeny. Then she "shamed" me publicly on FaceBook. Then she cut me off. Wouldn't respond to me. Wouldn't answer the phone. Then I got served. With an out of State TRO. With the hearing in 4 days. That's when I started scrambling for legal representation.

I also need money to pay the divorce lawyer in my own State, and to fight for custody of my daughter, because I will not have my daughter be put through the same type of psychological abuse I was put through. Other bloggers can corroborate my claims. They are local to me, and have seen what my wife can be like when she's mad at me. My wife has made the claim that she doesn't "feel safe" with me. Then I say she doesn't have to stay with me anymore. I will be fighting for custody, for my daughter's safety.

I'm sorry for all the blegs. To those who know me on FB and meatspace, I'm sorry for all the drama. I've sold all my guns to partially pay for both lawyers, and to set back some money to travel from the Midwest to the Northeast. But I need more. Please help, any way you can. Help me get my daughter back. Not for me. For her.

Thank you

Ya'll are truly amazing. Thank you to all who donated, and who spread the word. Between your donations and the pawning of a rifle I should be able to to pay for getting my brakes repaired.

Getting my truck towed to the garage was covered by insurance, which was a load off my mind. I was not looking forward to the long, slow trip there using my e-brake.

Thank you, once again, for donating.

UPDATE: I picked up my truck Thursday, 5/16, and was able to get to work that day. Thank you once again for all your help!

Brake Bleg

I really hate doing this. The brakes went out on my truck. (My own fault, too, I knew it was coming) But I don't have an emergency fund. (Also my own damn fault.)

I use my truck in my work, as a delivery driver. I'm asking for donations, to fix my brakes. So I can work.

(HH, Odysseus, you're exempt. You got us a place to live, and we haven't paid you back fully yet. And I'm gonna do that If I have to do it out of my tips.)

And, I'm sorry to have to ask. And I have no idea what I can do to pay ya'll back.